how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
my liver is dry heaving
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
