R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
