this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
