and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
