I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
