can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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