is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
