At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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