So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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