I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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