at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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