oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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