I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
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i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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