If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
