we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
this hospital has no fireball
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
