I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
