Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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