i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
