So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
