I just pynch a tree in the face
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
