So drunk its hurt
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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