Small penises have feelings too.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
