i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This toilet bowl is my home.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
