the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
