You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
