Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
