i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
