it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
