I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
