I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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