I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
