the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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