My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
