So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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