Yo dont text me then not text me
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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