She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
