So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed