im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy