he wants to bone in the snuggie
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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