with your own penis?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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