dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
