i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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