how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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