A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
