shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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