I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
