I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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