My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
