Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
