I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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