oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
