recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
