i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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