rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
