Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
