At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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