she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
