So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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