You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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