i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
