There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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