my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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