1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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