I wish they made helmets for livers.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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